Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Submerged



You may or may not have noticed that I have been completely absent from the blogging world for the past three months. You also may or may not have noticed a particular post that I made on my original tumblr, The Carnabetian Army, announcing my blogger's 'retirement'. The truth is: things in my life have been very hard lately. And really, it's okay to admit that. 

Life will always surprise us no matter how much we plan and prepare for the future. What is important is that we don't let ourselves become completely submerged in the depths of despair when change comes our way, which can sometimes be so easy. We must always try our best to keep our heads above the water for it is here that we can see clearer into the distance with open eyes. It is here that we can feel oxygen flowing through us with each breath - a recurrent reminder that we are alive and in tune with the world. It is here that we can take control of ourselves and begin swimming towards the shore. 
In my absence I have been submerged. From barely treading water I sank and have been frozen beneath the weight of death, loss and heartbreak. In the depths I have lost clear vision of myself and the world that surrounds me. The person that I used to be seems like a distant echo calling to me from an unknown place and travelling helplessly through the cold. But it is now that I realize that I have a choice here. Do I grasp my way through the water in attempt to seek out the owner of the distant voice? Or do I look to the light and resurface? I think that it is time for me to take a breath.

I aim to start blogging again as a way to explore myself and who I am. I am hoping that it will help me in my journey to the surface, and eventually the shores that I desire. Things may seem quite different here in comparison to what you may have seen in the past, but another thing that we all must also accept is that it is okay for us to change. Why cage ourselves within a previous form? Embrace your freedom to change. Embrace your freedom to become the person that you want to be. 

I'd like to thank all the people who have kept me in their thoughts for their continued support. Knowing that there are others experiencing the same hardships or sending their wishes across the seas is such a beautiful reminder that even though sometimes it may feel like it, we are not completely alone. I send my love and best wishes to you all. Take care of yourselves and keep swimming. 

25 comments:

  1. So glad to hear from you again....I've checked in from time to time to see if I'd missed a post. So sorry things have been so rough in recent days. I hope brighter days will return ASAP. Big Love! Xx

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    1. Thank you for your well wishes! Big love right back to you! xox

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  2. Your words resonate with me a lot, I've spent most of 2015 thus far trying to force my head above water after being down for far too long. It isn't easy, I think you actually get to a point where there's almost a sort of comfort in being so unhappy as at least you know what to expect and become almost numb to everything. I'm so so glad to hear that you're feeling in a more positive mindset, I have been worried about you since seeing your Tumblr entry and have also missed your online presence. I couldn't agree with your comments about change more, and I wish you all of the best and am positive happiness will find you again ♥

    Also, I love how beautiful and serene these photographs are, such a perfect accompaniment to your words.

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    1. It certainly isn't easy. I feel that 2015 has been a real rough year for many people. And yes, it can become so easy to come to a point where you are 'comfortable' with being underwater. I've been there before and I'm trying my best to not let it get to that point. It means so much that you've kept me in your thoughts, thank you for them all <3
      Lots of love to you and I hope things improve for you too! xx

      And thank you, I'm so glad that you like them!

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  3. These photos are poetic. Sending thought hugs your way, Lucy.

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  4. I'm glad to see you're back after such a long absence. This has been a very rough year for many people, and I do hope that your days brighten soon. Sometimes change is very necessary, and I look forward to your return, whatever form that may take!

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    1. Thank you for your lovely words and the encouragement, Shauna! xx

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  5. The words of Mr. Ray Davies in his song "Better Things" have helped me through loss, hardship and periods of adjustment. I hope when you're ready, they can do the same for you. Thank you for sharing your passions and your Inner Light with us - sending you lots of positive thoughts from the U.S.

    Here's wishing you the bluest sky,
    And hoping something better comes tomorrow.
    Hoping all the verses rhyme,
    And the very best of choruses to
    Follow all the doubt and sadness.
    I know that better things are on the way.

    Here's hoping all the days ahead
    Won't be as bitter as the ones behind you.
    Be an optimist instead,
    And somehow happiness will find you.
    Forget what happened yesterday,
    I know that better things are on the way.

    I know you've got a lot of good things happening up ahead
    The past is gone it's all been said.
    So here's to what the future brings,
    I know tomorrow you'll find better things.
    I know tomorrow you'll find better things.

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    1. Thank you very much for your beautiful comment, and thank you for sharing this song with me. I used to love it years ago and too would listen to it when things felt hard to handle. It was wonderful to be reminded of it. xx

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  6. This is actually my same thing right now, just barely treading water. I fee like someone who's just barely learned to swim and was suddenly tossed into the deep side, almost sinking, still fighting sinking. It was really good to read this. You write so wonderfully, all of the comparisons and word pictures are perfect. Know that I will keep you in my prayers and wish you all the best. We'll keep swimming.

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    1. Thank you for you lovely comment, Abigail. I'm so sorry to hear that times are hard for you too. We can get through it - there isn't anything we cannot handle. I too am keeping you in my thoughts <3

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  7. Wishing you all the best Lucy, I hope things start to get better for you soon xx

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    1. Thank you for your well wishes, Sarah! xox

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  8. You so eloquently described this feeling that tends to plague us from time to time. I just came out of a mildly dark period and it did feel like a darkness kept pulling me under, no matter how hard I fight it. We just have to keep on going and hope that better days are ahead! Hoping those days are right around the corner for you :)

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    1. I'm so glad that you've come out of it. Let's cross our fingers for the best to come! Thank you for your lovely comment and thoughts, Sarah. xox

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  9. It's good to see you back.

    I love the poetic way you have described all those terrible feelings end emotions that you have been struggling with. I think we all have certain times when we feel like this, and it really does resonate with me, makes me feel a little less alone in the world. Thank you

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    1. I'm glad that my post made you feel less alone during a hard time for you. Sometimes I think that can help wonders and hearing all the support from friends online and others who have been through similar situations has really helped encourage me to keep trying. All the best to you <3

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  10. welcome back dear Lucy! I hope this breath of fresh air will allow you to see your world with new eyes and for you to be able to progress in life wiser and with maturity for all of the challenges you will face

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    1. Thank you for all support and well wishes, Catherine. I hope so too! <3

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  11. Oh Lucy, it's so wonderful to see you again. You articulated this feeling very well, and sometimes, writing it all out can bring forth some clarity. I continue to send my hugs and best wishes to you, and hope that everything will be okay soon ❤

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    1. Yes, I really think it helped me to put my feelings into words and be completely honest with myself and those around me. It's okay to admit that things are hard and that we need help. Thank you for your thoughts, love and light to you! xox

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  12. I can only guess what has happened and send all my thoughts to you. Good you feel better again.

    -Kati

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  13. I love this honest and raw post! It's hard when you feel like you are barely able to keep your head above the water. I too have been there and have struggled through lifes hardships. I wish you the best... I'm not quite sure what you're dealing with but it seems like there is light at the end of the tunnel for you and that you see that there is hope.
    xoxo
    Taylor
    http://www.nothingbutapigeon.com/

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