Thursday, November 6, 2014

Balanced on the Biggest Wave

Outfit - All vintage

The end of the year approaches so fast. In the shopping centres I can hear the faint sound of all too familiar Christmas carols. I can feel that subtle sense of urgency emitted from others around me as they plan their holidays and gift buying, and the summer cicadas are starting to sound in the late afternoons. The days are long and comprised of heat, haze and humidity. Past experiences dictate that this time of year should be filled with excitement and joyful anticipation. Yet tonight as I hear the dull ache of thunder in the distance I am reminded of the many decisions that I must make before the sands of 2014 run out. 

Since I was a little girl I've had a recurring dream, and I had it again last night. I am standing on the shore, in the street, on a hill. Sometimes with others, sometimes alone and upon looking out to the horizon I am confronted with the image of an enormous tidal wave, black and approaching quickly. There is nowhere to run, there is no where to hide, only a short moment to speak my mind and speak my heart before the world is engulfed whole. They say that dreams such as these are supposed to symbolize a build up of pressure in one's life or the coming of a significant change. Really, I don't think that that's too far from the truth. 

I've never been a very decisive person when it comes to opportunities that have the potential to change my life or carve out my future. I over-think things and it seems that my head and my heart are in a constant state of conflict. I envy those who can put their entire faith into a single choice with confidence. A palm reader once told me that my lifelines are broken but will someday merge. She said it meant that an immense change will come my way throughout the years and that whether I take it or not will determine who I become as a person. I am quite a skeptic but I cannot help but think: Is this, what I am confronted with now, that change? Who will I become? 

Time will tell. 

24 comments:

  1. I was wondering what you were talking about with the heat and humidity and Christmas, then I realized that you live in Australia (duh!)

    I hope you figure out what the big change in your life is and you're able to embrace it!

    COOCOO FOR COCO

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    1. Haha yup, I come from the land down under! And thank you very much.

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  2. Beautifully written. I'm very indecisive too so I can relate. I hope you figure things out!

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  3. Beautifully written, and I can relate a lot, I over think myself into anxiety attacks far too often and it frustrates me how hard I find it to commit to anything due to indecisiveness. Yet funnily enough, about some things I just become absolute sure it's the right decision. I did see on Twitter you were nominated to travel to China, I wonder if this is what's causing these feelings? Sometimes I think indecision can be a good thing, at least it means whatever you decide has been thoroughly weighed up and thought about. I hope you're able to figure things out!

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    1. Thank you very much, Faye. Anxiety attacks aren't something that I'm unfamiliar with unfortunately when it comes to big decisions. It can be very hard. Yes, I have been nominated to travel to China. This, amongst other things, also including one of my beautiful dogs, have been leaving me at a stand still lately. Thank you for putting it like that and for your kind words.

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  4. ah. your words are so wonderful. this reads like a beautiful eloquent novel. i read your feelings and i find that they mirror many of my own this November.
    whatever you do, make it yours.

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    1. What a lovey thing to say. Thank you so much, Abigail and I wish you the best of luck with your own decisions this November.

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  5. I can definitely relate! Life has been throwing me all these decisions lately. It seems like just when I am feeling settled, another curve ball comes along and shakes everything up. I try to take a step back and look at things from someone else perspective, and sometimes that helps a little. On another note, I would love to hear what Christmas time in Australia is like! I so closely associate Christmas with cold weather, it's hard to imagine it another way, but I am intrigued!

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    1. Really it is comforting to know that I am not the only one who is troubled with large decisions. Looking at things from another's perspective seems like a good tactic and I will try and think of this in times when I am overwhelmed. Thank you for your kind comment.
      Christmas in Australia is darn hot haha! Many families spend the day having a barbecue, going to the beach, sharing a Christmas lunch together and some even have a tradition of water fights! At this time of year the days are extremely long, with the Summer solstice just a couple of days before the big date. You could walk outside and it would still be late afternoon at 7:00 at night. Meals usually consist of cool foods such as different salads, iced drinks and perhaps the number one 'Aussie' Christmas dessert is a pavlova. I love this time of year, but I can't help but dream of what it would be like to have a 'White Christmas'. One day!

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  6. Your outfit looks very lovely! I feel much the same like you in the moment. Suddenly you really don't know if the decisions you made we're good or not and some people are trying to influence you on your choices, which is really annoying.

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    1. Thank you, Mia! It is frustrating when others try and influence your decisions, isn't it? A lot of the time I think that is what puts me in such a muddle of indecisiveness, that and the expectations that others have upon me.

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  7. I agree with the song and recommend just breathing when Life's got you feeling anxious. Life is full of these excruciating decisions and you'll have many opportunities to prosper no matter what path you choose. Weigh those pros & cons, put on a cute outfit and enjoy each day!

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    1. Thank you for your lovely comment and advice. I've been taking it!!

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  8. Eek that's a rather terrifying dream- especially if it's a reoccurring one. Though if you do have a tendency to stress out about decisions, I can see why your mind works it out in that way while you're asleep. Not everyone can be rash and confident in their decisions- some of us need time to mull and become comfortable. I don't think that's a bad thing- it's just not as easy. But I say you should give yourself a chance to go with your gut- just practice with the smaller decisions and it'll get easier and easier :)

    xo marlen
    Messages on a Napkin

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    1. Thank you very much for taking the time to comment and share some thoughtful advice. I shall keep this it in mind!

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  9. Wow, such a deep thought and dreams are always the result of our brains inner ponderances. I wonder what this immense and magnificent change could be for you? Perhaps it's as simple as finishing uni and being able to leave home and the comfort of the education institution and face the world. Perhaps it's telling you to Travel? Or to reconsider your life choices so far. It's always so scary to think that you can't control what will happen in the future. You really can't, and so we have to equip ourselves now to cope and be flexible to change.

    Sleep well dear Lucy! Unis almost over!!

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    1. There are many changes that have come and gone since this post was published. Some good, and unfortunately some very heartbreaking including having to say goodbye to one of my very loved pets. Travel is also a possibility, something that frightens me as I've never done much of it! In regards to University, I still have two years left of studying but study opportunities have arisen and details concerning my degree have been altered. It is a scary thought to think that we don't have much control over what our future brings. Thank you for your words and advice, they've been a comfort!

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  10. My, my, my how I absolutely adore your style!!

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